So over the last year and half or so, I have been doing and going and showing up at all manner of things by myself. Having ended a marriage of over 25 years, I am re-learning the joys of doing things “single”. People often speak of the joys of partnerhood, and I will come back to that later, but rarely do you hear people speak of the joys of singlehood. So here goes.
I find that I am much more able to make space in my busy life for solitary prayer and for meditation practices. Now mind you I don’t often find a 30 minute block of time, but I do find short spaces for meditation and I feel much more centered and at peace for those short spaces. By solitary prayer I mean prayer that is not in a ritual or congregational setting. There is nobody here to think I am weird if I just sit up in bed, close my eyes and talk to G-d. Who, by the way, does not mind if I drink coffee during these prayer conversations.
I do not have to ask what anyone else wants to watch on tv, what movies they like or what kind of music to see. I happily have gone to symphony, american folk, several types of jazz, blues, musical theatre and gospel without needing to find out if any of those are acceptable to a partner. It is not easy to find folks with broadly eclectic tastes to share these things with.
I do not have to explain that I rehearse twice or three times a week because music is everything, with books, teaching and live performances close behind. I am free to stand out on my front porch and contemplate the moon and stars or sit out on my lanai and watch the raccoons and listen to the frogs whenever the mood strikes me. There is nobody to think I am crazy.
But then, there is that moment when you turn to the partner who is not there to say “look at that beautiful moon” or “listen to that frog choir”. There is nobody to bring the coffee in bed. There is nobody to talk about the music, and the joy it brings, with. There is nobody to put your feet on while you watch a movie at home.
[tweetshare tweet=”I have learned, this past 30 months or so, how singular I am and that I can be joyful alone, and that I am not alone. I have amazing people in my life. But I have also come to understand that singularity makes you difficult in ways that are hard to explain. And so, I am not only singular, I am single and, for the moment good with it.” username=”@trienahm”]