So being laid up as I have been is a different kind of experience. This is when being single gets interesting. I am a generally independent sort and for the last ten days I have been mostly helpless as a result of surgery on my feet. Now we don’t think about our feet all that much, until the can’t be used! And if I am up too much they definitely let me know.
As a result of this, I have been forced to ask for more help than I am really comfortable with. And it has forced me to think about why we are so resistant to asking for help. Do we think we aren’t worth it? Or that people secretly don’t like you and just won’t show up? It is odd. Giving help comes completely naturally, it is just what we are supposed to do. Getting help, what an emotional struggle.
I have been so blessed with friends who did show up. Dinner has arrived at my house every day for eight days. Take out filled in the rest. I have discovered Grub Hub, but that is a story for another day. People have taken out my trash, gone to the store, called every day, driven me to the doctor and sat in the house while I took my first shower. My son has shown up every day since he came back to town, just to see if I need anything. He is cleaning the pool and other sundry tasks. All the minutiae of everyday life that you need to be on your feet for. I thought I was super prepared, hah! That’s a laugh.
And so, having to learn to accept help with grace and gratitude, that is the lesson. I believe there is a lesson in every experience, we just don’t always know what it is. When my father had dementia and lived with us, the lesson was patience (I have had a few lessons on that…). When my marriage ended, the lesson was that I am quite enough all by myself. That prepared me a bit for this next lesson which is that I am not always enough with out some dependence on people who love and care about me, whether I believe I am worthy or not. I am not sure how gracefully I have managed this but I know this – I am overwhelmed with gratitude!