Darling Jacob, I expect your ma has already pointed out to you that there are many ways in which to be creative (see the “express yourself” post) and that you have learned that for yourself. But do you know that being creative is possibly the closest way in your life that you will come to the divine?
You already know the satisfactions that occur when you finish a drawing; I am sure you are at least a little pleased now and again by something you have written. Making it new. Whether it’s a card or a baby, momentous or merely satisfying, useful or decorative. You have a grandpa, Alfred, who used to create delightful, funny monologues using words. Who knows what sorts of tools you may use, who knows what sorts of satisfactions you may find in your life ahead, but I am sure that if you continue to make things, your life will be blessed. What I wish for you is that you feel this and that you don’t stop. That you don’t settle into an ordinary, everyday, pedestrian existence, the same existence of most of the people in the world.
You’re already shown your talent and your pleasure in your talent. Please keep it up, no matter what else you do and use it if you can in your life’s work or as your life’s work.
Your grandmother has spent her life making things, art, sculpture, books, her house (especially her house). She lives this advice and she has lived a most interesting life; so don’t stop creating.
I know you would rather eat worms than have sex advice from your Grandmother, but its what she wanted you to know. And you never know…. you might learn something! So here goes:
Dear Jake, by this time you’re over eighteen and I’m sure know a great deal about sex from family, friends, and the great American entertainment business. That is to say, I’m sure the mechanics are perfectly clear and may have been put into practice. I’m sure you have also been advised about taking precautions not only for birth control, since having a baby at this stage in your life could ruin your future, but also making sure you know the medical history of anybody you take up with BEFORE you have sex. STDs are hard to get rid of and easy to catch.
When one is swept away by a moment of passion, it’s hard to exercise restraint and judgment, but there again remember that what you decide while under the stress of hormones could affect what is going to happen to you in the long run when there will be a lot of other things that are equally or perhaps even more important, believe it or not.
You’re probably tired of hearing all this. But what you may not have heard is that the best sex is an art, for it involves learning about the other through the body, yours and theirs, and how you approach that can and will influence your relations with that same other person when you’re not having sex.
Good sex is something that has to be learned and you’d be surprised, with all the talk of sex that goes on, how few men (and how few women) are willing and able to learn it as a skill. It seems like a relatively simple business but it’s not. People have simple physical sex just because it’s available or they just like somebody or are married to them. And you can do that too, but my guess is that about 98% of American men don’t know how to make a woman or man feel fulfilled and I don’t want you to be a part of that 98%. I want you to have a full and exciting sex life, because sex can be a wonderful event and an amazing phenomenon when both partners take the trouble to learn how to please each other with tact and persistence while taking advantage of sensual impulses. Ideally sex is not an act of power and dominance but an art practiced with a lot of affection and knowledge.
In other words, don’t be prudish or embarrassed but excited about learning and always think about the other person. And it’s okay to laugh a lot, because sex can be funny and dreamy as well as serious. And
always remember that it’s a waltz and not a fox trot.