Things I See

Seeing. Often we go about in the world with blinders on. Picture the horses that draw carriages in historic places. They wear real blinders, able only to look straight ahead. More and more, I find myself looking around with more focus not on what’s ahead but what’s around. There are those of us that have the knack for this instinctively. I am not sure I do. But I am trying to be more mindful about looking around, not at. I am trying to see past the brick to the history of a building, past the spoken to the intention, past the facial expression to the heart.

Sometime the things we see can be funny depending on our perspective. I was driving along a fairly rural road. There were few buildings and fewer businesses on it. Smack in the middle of nowhere was a long low building the signage on which read “Recovery Saloon”. All I could think of was in what world do those two things go together? Recovery from a long hard day of work at some terrible rural job? I think of recovery as the sobriquet for abstinence from the use of alcohol or drugs, or any other obsessive or addictive behavior. And thus my confusion, or amusement, arose.

On another occasion, while scrolling my Facebook feed, a marketplace headline popped up: “Electric Chair $900”. I could not stop laughing, as morbid as that sounds. As a death penalty attorney, I worked with people charged with the death penalty so, of course, that is where my mind went. It seemed to me unthinkable that someone could write that headline not imagining what it sounded like. I eventually went to the listing out of curiosity and, sadly, it was a mundane attempt to sell an old powered wheelchair. Sadly only because it was so ordinary and not funny. But I suppose it deserved gratitude for not being a do it yourself sparky.

What about our “snap judgments”. We judge people on their clothes, on their speech, on their eating habits. Do we look past those things? Do we listen hard to “see” who they are? Do we watch them to see how they actually live, what they do? Are they kind? Are they generous? Are they smart? Do we see it? Are we willing?

Not everything I see is with my eyes. If I am willing, if my ears are open I can see with my ears, if my heart is open, I can see with my heart.

 

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Oops ! Last week’s Torah portion – Tazria

Leviticus still. This is my fourth d’var Torah on this parsha of Tazria and it is such a strange and difficult, really almost unpleasant, parsha.  It continues a discussion of ritual impurity, childbirth and the ritual of the mikvah, circumcision, etc.  Wait, we have not gotten to the icky part yet.  This is the parsha that most people associate with leprosy.  But Tzarat, or the affliction in question, is not necessarily that; it is a mysterious affliction that can affect the skin, the garments or even the s home. 

I have always found this dichotomy fascinating, the idea of the progression from outer to inner or conversely inner to outer.  From the inanimate to the animate or the reverse.  From the very impersonal (although your home is personal in some way) to the extremely personal or, again, the reverse.  Do we reach inward for G-d or do we reach outward or out-toward G-d.  If we are made in the image of the divine is that an outer, or physical likeness?  Or is it a spiritual likeness? As I do not believe in G-d as a humanoid figure, for me it is obviously an internal or spiritual/emotional likeness.  We strive for divinity in our behavior, in our everyday dealings; isn’t that what the mitzvah drive us to?  A striving for perfection and holiness, however unattainable it might be?

This too, presents a dichotomy of inner and outer.  There is the outer, or physical appearance of a person, and there is the inner, the spirit and character of a person.  The tzarat, or mysterious affliction, requires the afflicted to dwell alone outside the camp, tent or city until no longer afflicted.  This mandate of isolation brings me to two different ideas.  those with actual leprosy, continued to be quarantined or isolated in parts of the world considered civilized. 

The last compulsory isolation in the United States was enforced in 1960 and it was not until 1975 that the section Code of Federal Regulations dealing with medical care for person’s with Hansen’s Disease (leprosy) eliminated the word “detention” from its text.  There was no debate in the United States regarding the appropriateness of compulsory isolation but, rather, “involuntary admission” was administratively abandoned until Congress addressed the closure of public health hospitals between 1981 and 1986 and the elimination of “hazard pay” for those who worked in leprosaria or hospitals for those with Hansen’s Disease.  The law finally passed in 1985 spared the one national center for the treatment of the disease and required that person’s with it be treated without charge.  There is much more to the history but you get the idea, compulsory isolation and involuntary admission was in part a result of the fear of infection.  But reasonably effective drugs for the arresting of the disease, although it is not technically curable, have existed since the 1940’s and yet this isolation and discrimination continued.  Why?  I believe it is because those with the disease were too hard to look at, they were sometimes disfigured in pretty horrible ways.  The history of more than three quarters of a century, just in this country, was primarily based on judging people on how they look.

Didn’t your mother tell you not to “judge a book by it’s cover”?  I think perhaps it all started with this parsha, with Leviticus and the tzarat.  Just as, perhaps, we should look for G-d within ourselves, for the spark of the divine within, the striving for perfection, we should look at the character of a person, at their spirit rather than at their physical appearance.  It is hard to look past physical imperfections or the difficulties imposed by poverty to see the person within, but that is what we are required to do.  If the divine image, or the spark of the divine in us is inner, then that is where we must look.  I have often told people who asked how I could represent murderers in my past life that nobody is the one worst thing they have ever done.  I wish not to be judged by any singular act but by the whole of who I am and what I have accomplished, tempered perhaps by what I am less proud of.  We are all a composite, the inner being much more important than the outer.

I would be remiss here if I did not note that on this Shabbat, which is the shabbat to fall on or before the first of Nissan we are commanded to read also Hachodesh, the portion of exodus that speaks of G-d’s words to Moses in Egypt, two weeks before the  exodus.  The portion commands us to bring the Passover offering and eat it with matzah and bitter herbs, abstaining from leavening for seven days.  Just as our mother’s taught us to judge a person’s inner beauty, so G-d commands us to teach our children of the exodus, of our journey from slavery to freedom.  The Torah is full of this idea of passing down or passing on, the stories and practices to our children as they were passed on to us.  Think of the V’ahavta, one of the most seminal prayers in our liturgy – teach them to your children, bind them as a sign.  The concept of l’dor vador, from generation to generation is crucial to us as a people, it is a cornerstone of our culture, our faith, our very survival.

But I digress. The second theme I found in this idea of isolation in Tazria is again of the inner and outer. As in the example of Hansen’s disease, we have historically isolated those whose outer appearance is distasteful to us for various reasons.  Those whose inner ppearance is distasteful are another matter altogether.  It is possible for the miserable of spirit to camouflage their ugliness sometimes, to learn to act in acceptable ways socially while acting out in uglier ways perhaps in business, or in their intimate relationships.  But what I think is ultimately true is that those who are miserable in spirit are almost always emotionally isolated, they have created their own isolation from which it is very difficult to emerge.  In this case the outer is perhaps more palatable than the inner.  And in the end,  those who are miserable of spirit do dwell alone, outside the tent.

 The two ideas come together when we think of how we feel, or make others feel, when we them by how they look, or their lifestyles, or their beliefs rather than looking at them to see how they actually “live”.  What matters is how they treat people, how honest they are, how gracious and how charitable.  When we judge them wrongly, we make ourselves miserable and therefore isolated.   

On this Shabbat, as we enter Nissan and prepare for our physical spring cleaning and the re-telling of our story of freedom, let us look within to find what is best in ourselves and others.  Let us look within to find the spark of the divine in each of us and clean our spiritual houses of judgment, gossip and ugliness and come to the table without tzarat in our homes and in our hearts.

Shabbat Shalom

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Things Miss Kitty Wants You To Know #1 ~ Looks Can Be Deceiving

Ok, says Miss Kitty, we have been together for fifteen of your almost eighteen years. As a result, I think I know you pretty well and I have some things to say.

Just because I am skinny doesn’t mean I’m not tough. As you know, I was gone for three weeks. And you (all of you) assumed I was dead. Because I am old, and because I was gone. But I surprised you… I came back. If I could talk I would tell you where I was, but then I might have to kill you. Suffice it to say that it wasn’t pretty. And you know I came back skin and bones, but I’m okay.

I have had a pretty interesting life as cat lives go. I was abandoned by my mother when I was four weeks old and was rescued by a crazy old public defender. He put us in a big box and brought us to the office where your mom found me. I was different even then. All my brothers and sisters were plain old tabby cats. I, on the other hand, am a delicate, beautiful long-haired, blue-eyed chocolate point siamese.
As you know yourself, being different isn’t easy.

Since then I have been a cossetted house pet, a wild New England barn cat and lots of things in between. In New Mexico I ran with horses and patrolled the perimeter, watching the house for enemies. In Florida I walked the golf course with your mom and dad and, of course, the dogs. By the way, I have trained several dogs in my life. I have always chosen what I wanted to be. Sometimes a cuddly house cat, sometimes living almost exclusively outdoors. I have reinvented myself many times. But how I chose to be was always my choice.

I was a beautiful cat, even when I lived in the barn. With my beautiful long fur, nobody would have guessed I was a barn cat. I have always been skittish, but I can be very loyal. I look very very delicate but I have grown old despite my many adventures. I might have come home really skinny but I am tough. So remember, don’t judge a book by its cover, often there is much more to people than meets the eye; you never know who you might be talking to.

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