Passions and Passion

After 14 years in Florida there is one thing that strikes me almost every day. And it is a silly thing.  You can’t get cold water from the tap.  The water is always tepid, even when it is relatively cold.  Now northerners don’t laugh, I said relatively cold.

And in an odd way, the part of Florida I live in is kind of tepid too.   There is great beauty, in the ocean, the waterways, the sunsets, the sky, the flowers.  But it is a lazy kind of place, it is not busy.  It is a place where people move slowly, especially in the summer.  It is a place of simple pleasures and , to be honest, many things I am not interested in to varying degrees.

I am very lucky, I have been able to find and indulge my passions here; somewhat.  While my access to live music of some of the kinds I enjoy is very limited, I have found wonderful people to make music with. I have to admit, it took ten years or so.  I have been able to work on writing, although consistency is still a bitch.  I have been able to teach, which I dearly love.  And so, I have my passions, despite my tepid water.

But I have now learned that it is possible to have passions, but no passion.   And so it is.  The indulging of my passions is sometimes serious work here in this tepid place.  I travel, I invite people for meals, I support the symphony society, and so on and so forth.  But I can’t drop in to a place with folk music, I can’t walk to a market or see musicians on the street.  I can’t even go to Trader Joe’s without a significant drive.

[tweetshare tweet=”All that being said, there are trade offs everywhere you go.  And the good news is that at least some of your passions go with you anywhere you go.  Now if only there was some passion to go with those passions.” username=”@trienahm”]

Singularity ~ Pun Intended

So over the last year and half or so, I have been doing and going and showing up at all manner of things by myself.  Having ended a marriage of over 25 years, I am re-learning the joys of doing things “single”.   People often speak of the joys of partnerhood, and I will come back to that later, but rarely do you hear people speak of the joys of singlehood.  So here goes.

I find that I am much more able to make space in my busy life for solitary prayer and for meditation practices.  Now mind you I don’t often find a 30 minute block of time, but I do find short spaces for meditation and I feel much more centered and at peace for those short spaces.  By solitary prayer I mean prayer that is not in a ritual or congregational setting.  There is nobody here to think I am weird if I just sit up in bed, close my eyes and talk to G-d.  Who, by the way, does not mind if I drink coffee during these prayer conversations.

I do not have to ask what anyone else wants to watch on tv, what movies they like or what kind of music to see.  I happily have gone to symphony, american folk, several types of jazz, blues, musical theatre and gospel without needing to find out if any of those are acceptable to a partner.  It is not easy to find folks with broadly eclectic tastes to share these things with.

I do not have to explain that I rehearse twice or three times a week because music is everything, with books, teaching and live performances close behind.  I am free to stand out on my front porch and contemplate the moon and stars or sit out on my lanai and watch the raccoons and listen to the frogs whenever the mood strikes me.  There is nobody to think I am crazy.

But then, there is that moment when you turn to the partner who is not there to say “look at that beautiful moon” or “listen to that frog choir”.  There is nobody to bring the coffee in bed.  There is nobody to talk about the music, and the joy it brings, with.  There is nobody to put your feet on while you watch a movie at home.

[tweetshare tweet=”I have learned, this past 30 months or so, how singular I am and that I can be joyful alone, and that I am not alone.  I have amazing people in my life.  But I have also come to understand that singularity makes you difficult in ways that are hard to explain.  And so, I am not only singular, I am single and, for the moment good with it.” username=”@trienahm”]